Saturday, November 27, 2010

i need to Get The Fukk Out Of here

I seem to be angry all the time lately. Or if not angry, then bored. And I know what this means: a depression coming on, and the thought of that just makes me tremble, because I know how debilitating my depressions can be. And I have neither meds nor a psychologist to get me through.

holy shit, a sword fish just went into my head,
that's how im feeling right now,yes

mom suddenly was like," i think, you should a get yourself hired for this whole month you're staying home." // maaaan am i fukked?

its just a month of holiday, i am supposed to get my licence and stuff, and now you freakin ask me to get a job?// maan am i fukked again?

now stuff like this really makes me terribly regret that im home. i mean like if i knew that this would happen i might just as well stay in ipoh and get a job there instead here. its more or less the same thing.

maaann i need to GTFO(look at the tittle) of here.

i've been imagining ,
how is it like to live in detroit?
-woww, i googled "what is it like to live in detroit" lame sounding? yeah so what. so here's the conclusion from my research about detroit. so Detroit is bigger than the NY city, but really Detroit city has a bad reputation with all the drugs, crime, crooked cops and stuff like that, i dont really want to say this but its stated in one of the website that the niggas there are real bad ass.

"It all depends on how you carry yourself really. If you keep to yourself and MYOB, you should be okay. Not saying you can't be a victim of random violence or robbery, but if you just use common sense, watch your mouth, and be aware at all times, you're halfway there buddy." -special nobody ,

so yeah, living in detroit isnt a brilliant choice so far.

PEACE OUT, homedawg, i gotta go shower, pffft

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

ok im 18, are you happy now?

its my birthday . yeah. i received like tons of birthday wishes on my facebook account,they’ve come floodinglthe love has been profuse, profane and profound and, just…thank you.
thank you and i love you. i’m so happy. imma like wow would these amount of people wish my birthday in real life outside the facebook world?

so yeah, nothing much on my birthday, i woke up late as usual staring at the four walls deciding should i get up or continue dreaming about flying elephant(what the hell?) . i did get out of my bed, i went to the toilet. fuuuuuuuckkkk, my face is all white! what am i? albino or something?

yes it was all powder over my face, yes it was one of the birthday prank you would get on your birthday beside getting yourself covered up all with flour. and yes it was my cousins who did it. thanks guys, next time please consider me a better birthday present, i've had enough powder in my life.

next thing i knew when i was out of the toilet i was being thrown with flour and glitters. i was like , wow, so much of a birthday surprise huh ?

ahh, get it over with ,

so bbq at night, ahh, just nice, with my family, and cousins, beside the pool,

so, is BBQ some sort like Birthday Party?? please say no. because i hate birthday party!
Birthday parties are notoriously demanding and bitchy, and I’ll be damned if you’re going to run me to death, bitch about everything, not tip me well, AND not offer me a piece of cake.

Why do people even buy these huge fucking birthday cakes that they can’t possibly finish? Sure, they look cool, but you have about 50 servings of cake for only 12 people. And usually only half of the party even wants any cake, and the rest of them want “just a small piece”…so you’ve got a huge fucking cake and no one to eat it.

dont dont dont get me wrong, i dont blame the cake. i loveeee cakes! nyum! i just hate the way people doesnt appreciate it! come on you bollocks! its birthday, yeah CAKE is like a must, why dont you just enjoy it??

ok enough, i'll get mad talking about b'day parties.

so gahhh, im another year older .

lets see what i've done in life.
Get a tattoo? will never
overcome stage fright? Done.
See the Grand Canyon? havent.
Visit the French Riviera? havent.
Skydive? Done.
Bungee jump? Fuck no.
receive flowers? yes,from a student
Give birth and become a mother? Oh hell no.
Make a pie from scratch? Really? This is something you need to do before you die? Really?
haha .

Monday, November 22, 2010

i have nothing else better to do

i feel stupid now, ese i tell ya if suicide is not a sin , that will be the first thing i would do beside blogging when im dead bored.

so, im home, no more living in the mystery box (hostel) for a whole quality month.
(realizing myself that im free from nosy dorm mates and apparently nosy warden)
p/s: i dont hate u guys.

so cayden called "duuuudeeee, are u coming back for xmas??"
no, im not celebrating xmas this year in wellington, bcause i have HAVE hAvE HaVe HAVEEEE to take my licence. crossing my fingers that mom would get me a car. crossing my fingers again hoping mom wouldnt bollock me saying she's out of budget.

i have been caught up by so many things.

being a suffer-in-silence-kind-of-person , my mood swings. problems.troubles. come and go, neither did i try to solve it or ignore it. but just keeping it inside. having my heart monologuing.

I have issues.

I know, talk about stating the obvious. It’s what I do, I look around, see what I see and then blurt it out as though no one else can see it.

Amongst the many issues is this one: I can’t stand to be alone. Now add this one: I hate people. Man am I fucked??

Every time I think that I’ve found something that will allow me to interact with other people, it turns out that those people are as narrow minded, boring and general stupid (or more so) .

And any of you that want to tell me that I could make it work if I wanted to are simply missing the point. Of course I could behave like a complete moron and fit in with the rest of them, but that’s not what I’m looking for at all.

I know I can’t be the only one out here with posts written that will never see the light of day.
Or posts that only get to live for a few minutes until they are disappeared.
This feels like one of those…or the other, maybe.
But lately I have been suffering from some bizarre (and vicious) anger and resentment.

There is a tiny poison dart lodged in my heart, working its way in like a shard of glass, causing me to feel unhappy and aggravated and just plain ol’ MEAN.But my tiny poison dart has…well, poisoned me…in thought and word.

I’m so tired of the everlovin’ complaining and bitching and all the people who are SO WILLING AND EAGER to take offense at the tiniest (and often out-of-context!) remark…I’m tired of the whiners and badgerers and the people who try to make everyone else feel small or uneducated or ignorant simply because they think about things in a different way.
I’m sick of the “EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN OPINION…except you’re wrong. And stupid. And sort of ugly” passive-aggressive games.

get pissed when people do NOTHING BUT complain about their miserable lives…and again, they SHOULD complain if they need to (like ME, just now, O! THE IRONY!).
But sometimes I just don’t get people… I don’t get them at all. It seems they’re overwhelmed at everything, by everything, and can’t function unless they have sympathy and lots of people slavering over them all the time.
Then, it seems, they manage to function just fine & dandy.

That’s when I start thinking all The Evil stuff. Like the pain I live with daily but I don’t talk about because it is what it is and if I think about it all the time and TALK about it all the time, it hurts a lot more. Like my back that always aches like a rotten tooth and how I re-injure it frequently .
Like how I feel like a complete moron for talking about the minutiae of my daily life which DOES get quite overwhelming…because when I post about it the first thing I think is “OH SHIT, now everyone is going to feel sorry for me and pity me and IT ISN’T ABOUT THAT AT ALL”.
Stop reading now. Really. I mean it. Go do something productive, like read a book or play some WoW or or neopets.