2011

hello
2011,

so yeh, bbye good ol twenty-o-ten !
wheww,

what should i write about this really?

okay 2010 was great, i mean i really did lots of stuff in 2010 to be compared to the previous year i have lived.

in 2010 , i had a real job, meeting up real people, went to college, and more.

i mean like yea it some sort of like getting-into-a-real-world stuff ynoe. like i spent my previous years attending school and overall it was the same stuff i did everyday. so if you are like still schooling and you think thats all in life, you are wrong seriously, =,='' there are a lot more to discover.

so my first ever real job was in Smart Reader Kids Kindergarten in Taman Perling as a kindergarten teacher. haha! i know you guys must be like whuuuuuuut? she worked as a teacher? to a bunch of kids?? proudly telling you , YES :) yea before applying for the job i did thought of just applying for any job like a salesgirl in some jusco or shops like padini, and stuff, but it was like super boring ynoe to get a job like that, and you have to work like ten fukking hours to get the full salary. i worked only from morning till noon! ahah and have fun with like bunch of kids.

of course the kids can be pain in the ass sometimes, but hey, they're just kids, innocent and yea adorable <3

then.

i went to college

yes for the first tme ever. as a junior , of my freshmen year. it was really like a culture shock for me, its not like i havent been exposed to outside world or what. but i realllllly never ever talk to a real kedahian or any orang utara before. that was like the main problem for me when i first arrived at the college's hostel. also it was like the first time ever i lived in a hostel.

then i made new friends :)

and then i been through a real hard ass moment ever, hysteria x(

dont wanna talk about it

but yea i would neverrr forget about it!

josh gosh

so like everybody else for new year there must be like something make them really happy.

guess what? I'm on the Dean list! :) i'm so happy i could even shit rainbows! hahaha.

seriously,

so i'm going back to ipoh in few days, i can't wait too see like everybody, from friends to even the burger man in front of my hostel! :) I hope this time everything will be okay, i mean , like everybody else, they have like their own resolutions for new year, well my resolutions is, .. urm i'll tell you soon,

ahha

i really need to go now,

off to shower and grab something to eat because im dead hungry

uhh okay PeaceOutHomeDawg!

i have been punkd.

okay, the tittle is random, i didnt get punkd or what. blahh gotcha.

so yeah, for the days that i havent been blogging, a lot of things happens. A LOT. some of it i really dont think i would mention, like how sick i get last few days(bummer, i just mentioned it) haha

so i went to malacca! for the family holiday. yeah it sucks like i told you before to be on a vacation with the family. but this time its not over all sucks. yknow. maybe this time they understand that im practically on my way to be a grown up so they really did give me some space for my privacy, like mom really let me stayed up at the coffee house there at A'famosa all by myself untill 2 am. i mean "wow, did she really?"

a'famosa was great. 100 times better than what you can get in Ipoh, which is the Lost World. which really Lost in the map of the World. haha. but everything is really expensive there. i dont know, im just saying really. // hahahaha

so lately i went skating, with my brother. he drags me anywhere he go because there are practically nothing for me to do at home. so yeah back to skating, you guys, it not easy. looks like it is, but its not! i fell like 100 times, haha .

i really hate to talk about my problems. makes me feel pathetic so yeah lets skip that part.

ahhhh!

Year End Sale is really making me mad, like i got a jacket worth 378 ringgit for only 70 bucks! isnt that priceless?? (err, shima , it got price,isnt it? )

ok .

im outta here, i need shower, o my lord.

peaceout HOMEDAWG

im a pessimist

okay,im posting blog from my cellphone rite now.

No,its not easy.its complicated enough,especially when you're using touch screen phone.but i wanna post anyway,because im not happy now.and somehow i need to let go of whatever im feeling rite now.so here i am.blogging from the cellphone.

Im not happy .because i've been treated like trash.nobody cares about how i feel.nobody feels proud of me and nobody needs me. I am just a doormat to everyone.

I am a girl with no confidence at all.my life is already suck from the beginning.can you make it any worst? Fuck you.


I fucking have feelings.im not great.im not the funniest,not the prettiest not the cutest. But i fucking have feelings!


I am a normal person who easily get mad,happy,crazy,jealous,sad and whatever.I am normal people with feelings! Im not a fucking zombie.

family vacation? UGHH BUMMERRRR

i realized something.

i only blog when i'm home . :/ why? because i only will feel dead bored when i'm at home. yeah, seriously.

ipoh is more boring to be compared to JB, but i prefer to be there. i told sadhish and he said "of course you like it there, its because the friends you got there" , well he was definitely telling the truth.

i miss ipoh, i miss everybody there, my hulk, my friends, my frienemies, my enemies, my lecturer(???), abg ar kedai dpn(???,hahahha), pakcik air cafe college, kakak koperasi, everyyyybody. hahaha

i wish i can just fly to ipoh now,

omnomnomnommm. im eating campbells chicken soup. what? you want some? some feet soup?

so the whole family of mine are planning, to go to Malacca. (for some sort of holiday) ok here's the thing. i alwayyyyss alwayysss alwayysss hate to go for a vacation with my family . i know, that sounds bad. but its the truth maaaaan.

will hate it more if we have to stay over somewhere. like at the hotel or something.

why? ok first of all im not the family type of person. like i love to do stuff on my own at home, i love to be left alone and to stay all day in my room doing my own things , dont get me wrong okay, i love my family, i love mum i love everyone of them.

our family holiday scene will be like :

• when we went to any places for example any pulau or any beach resort. mum will try all her best to get all the food from home there, i mean come on we are on VACATION for god sake, you should be relaxing and cant we just eat at the restaurant? and of course when it involves mum cooking on our trip, i MUST(more like forced to) help.
• my sister will be totally looking after the kids and always trying to came up with IQ games that she thinks the kid will love it. again, its HOLIDAY just let the kids do what they fukking want.
• when we were at the hotel, inside the room, mom will be focusing on the TV shows for some lame melayu or indonesian drama, and the rest of us have to watch it too. there will be only a TV in a hotel room.
• in the hotel room again, we have to take turn to use the toilet. :/ and when it comes to bed time, like everyone have to sleep at the same time. I am the hardest person in the world to fall asleep unless im dead tired. at that moment i will be happy for awhile because thats the time where i will be practically alone. but still it means nothing,because theres nothing i can do.
• we have to share beds. ARGH!
• we have to squeeze ourself in the car . URGH!
• mom &the rest of the adults will be like "shima, put away your phone,come help serve makan or layan the kids blablablabluhbluhblah" *&%$%##%^
• i will be dead awkward on a family holiday because im practically a freak in the family like im the only person that do less talking with everyone.
• i love privacy, being on a VACATION with my family means a holiday from my privacy :/

so yeah, hope this time I'll enjoy myself :/ errr

PEACE OUT HOMEDAWG!

i need to Get The Fukk Out Of here

I seem to be angry all the time lately. Or if not angry, then bored. And I know what this means: a depression coming on, and the thought of that just makes me tremble, because I know how debilitating my depressions can be. And I have neither meds nor a psychologist to get me through.

holy shit, a sword fish just went into my head,

that's how im feeling right now,yes

mom suddenly was like," i think, you should a get yourself hired for this whole month you're staying home." // maaaan am i fukked?

its just a month of holiday, i am supposed to get my licence and stuff, and now you freakin ask me to get a job?// maan am i fukked again?

now stuff like this really makes me terribly regret that im home. i mean like if i knew that this would happen i might just as well stay in ipoh and get a job there instead here. its more or less the same thing.

maaann i need to GTFO(look at the tittle) of here.

i've been imagining ,

how is it like to live in detroit?

-woww, i googled "what is it like to live in detroit" lame sounding? yeah so what. so here's the conclusion from my research about detroit. so Detroit is bigger than the NY city, but really Detroit city has a bad reputation with all the drugs, crime, crooked cops and stuff like that, i dont really want to say this but its stated in one of the website that the niggas there are real bad ass.

"It all depends on how you carry yourself really. If you keep to yourself and MYOB, you should be okay. Not saying you can't be a victim of random violence or robbery, but if you just use common sense, watch your mouth, and be aware at all times, you're halfway there buddy." -special nobody ,answer.yahoo.com

so yeah, living in detroit isnt a brilliant choice so far.

PEACE OUT, homedawg, i gotta go shower, pffft

ok im 18, are you happy now?

its my birthday . yeah. i received like tons of birthday wishes on my facebook account,they’ve come floodinglthe love has been profuse, profane and profound and, just…thank you.
thank you and i love you. i’m so happy. imma like wow would these amount of people wish my birthday in real life outside the facebook world?

so yeah, nothing much on my birthday, i woke up late as usual staring at the four walls deciding should i get up or continue dreaming about flying elephant(what the hell?) . i did get out of my bed, i went to the toilet. fuuuuuuuckkkk, my face is all white! what am i? albino or something?

yes it was all powder over my face, yes it was one of the birthday prank you would get on your birthday beside getting yourself covered up all with flour. and yes it was my cousins who did it. thanks guys, next time please consider me a better birthday present, i've had enough powder in my life.

next thing i knew when i was out of the toilet i was being thrown with flour and glitters. i was like , wow, so much of a birthday surprise huh ?

ahh, get it over with ,

so bbq at night, ahh, just nice, with my family, and cousins, beside the pool,

so, is BBQ some sort like Birthday Party?? please say no. because i hate birthday party!
Birthday parties are notoriously demanding and bitchy, and I’ll be damned if you’re going to run me to death, bitch about everything, not tip me well, AND not offer me a piece of cake.

Why do people even buy these huge fucking birthday cakes that they can’t possibly finish? Sure, they look cool, but you have about 50 servings of cake for only 12 people. And usually only half of the party even wants any cake, and the rest of them want “just a small piece”…so you’ve got a huge fucking cake and no one to eat it.

dont dont dont get me wrong, i dont blame the cake. i loveeee cakes! nyum! i just hate the way people doesnt appreciate it! come on you bollocks! its birthday, yeah CAKE is like a must, why dont you just enjoy it??

ok enough, i'll get mad talking about b'day parties.

so gahhh, im another year older .

lets see what i've done in life.
Get a tattoo? will never
overcome stage fright? Done.
See the Grand Canyon? havent.
Visit the French Riviera? havent.
Skydive? Done.
Bungee jump? Fuck no.
receive flowers? yes,from a student
Give birth and become a mother? Oh hell no.
Make a pie from scratch? Really? This is something you need to do before you die? Really?
haha .

i have nothing else better to do

i feel stupid now, ese i tell ya if suicide is not a sin , that will be the first thing i would do beside blogging when im dead bored.

so, im home, no more living in the mystery box (hostel) for a whole quality month.

(realizing myself that im free from nosy dorm mates and apparently nosy warden)

p/s: i dont hate u guys.

so cayden called "duuuudeeee, are u coming back for xmas??"

no, im not celebrating xmas this year in wellington, bcause i have HAVE hAvE HaVe HAVEEEE to take my licence. crossing my fingers that mom would get me a car. crossing my fingers again hoping mom wouldnt bollock me saying she's out of budget.

i have been caught up by so many things.

being a suffer-in-silence-kind-of-person , my mood swings. problems.troubles. come and go, neither did i try to solve it or ignore it. but just keeping it inside. having my heart monologuing.

I have issues.

I know, talk about stating the obvious. It’s what I do, I look around, see what I see and then blurt it out as though no one else can see it.

Amongst the many issues is this one: I can’t stand to be alone. Now add this one: I hate people. Man am I fucked??

Every time I think that I’ve found something that will allow me to interact with other people, it turns out that those people are as narrow minded, boring and general stupid (or more so) .

And any of you that want to tell me that I could make it work if I wanted to are simply missing the point. Of course I could behave like a complete moron and fit in with the rest of them, but that’s not what I’m looking for at all.

I know I can’t be the only one out here with posts written that will never see the light of day.
Or posts that only get to live for a few minutes until they are disappeared.
This feels like one of those…or the other, maybe.But lately I have been suffering from some bizarre (and vicious) anger and resentment.

There is a tiny poison dart lodged in my heart, working its way in like a shard of glass, causing me to feel unhappy and aggravated and just plain ol’ MEAN.But my tiny poison dart has…well, poisoned me…in thought and word.

I’m so tired of the everlovin’ complaining and bitching and all the people who are SO WILLING AND EAGER to take offense at the tiniest (and often out-of-context!) remark…I’m tired of the whiners and badgerers and the people who try to make everyone else feel small or uneducated or ignorant simply because they think about things in a different way.
I’m sick of the “EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN OPINION…except you’re wrong. And stupid. And sort of ugly” passive-aggressive games.

get pissed when people do NOTHING BUT complain about their miserable lives…and again, they SHOULD complain if they need to (like ME, just now, O! THE IRONY!).
But sometimes I just don’t get people… I don’t get them at all. It seems they’re overwhelmed at everything, by everything, and can’t function unless they have sympathy and lots of people slavering over them all the time.
Then, it seems, they manage to function just fine & dandy.

That’s when I start thinking all The Evil stuff. Like the pain I live with daily but I don’t talk about because it is what it is and if I think about it all the time and TALK about it all the time, it hurts a lot more. Like my back that always aches like a rotten tooth and how I re-injure it frequently .
Like how I feel like a complete moron for talking about the minutiae of my daily life which DOES get quite overwhelming…because when I post about it the first thing I think is “OH SHIT, now everyone is going to feel sorry for me and pity me and IT ISN’T ABOUT THAT AT ALL”.Stop reading now. Really. I mean it. Go do something productive, like read a book or play some WoW or King.com or neopets.
SERIOUSLY.